Funny Stories!

So I was reading Reader's Digest and it was their annual humor issue and I just had to post some of the stories for you guys to read! Enjoy!

• One crazy day in our pediatric clinic saw me hand a young patient a urine sample container and tell him to fill it up in the bathroom. A few minutes later, he returned to my nurse's station with an empty cup. "I didn't need this after all," he said. "There was a toilet in there."
• My husband decided to install a light switch in our master bedroom. Cutting into the wall, he discovered a stash of bottles and boxes. "Honey!" he called excitedly. "Come see what I found!" I ran in and quickly realized that his next task would be to fix the hole he had made in the back of our medicine cabinet.
• The minute I walked into the post office, the postmaster noticed the new earrings my husband had given me. "Those must be real diamonds," she said. "Yes," I said. "how could you tell?" "Because," she said, " no one buys fake diamonds that small."
• When a woman in my office recently became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice. "The first ten years are the hardest," she said. "How long have you been married?" I asked. "Ten years," she replied.
• The teacher in one of our local grade schools was showing a copy of the Declaration of Independence to her pupils. It passed from desk to desk and finally to Luigi, a first-generation American. The boy studied the document reverently. Then, before passing it on, he gravely added his own signature.
• On the way back from a Cub Scouts meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. "Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?" he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed for a while, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. "You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer."
• A woman from our office brought in her new bundle of joy along with her seven-year-old son. Everyone gathered around the baby, and the little boy asked, "Mommy, can I have some money to buy a soda?" "What do you say?" she said. He replied, "You're thin and beautiful." The woman reached into her purse and gave her son the money.
• Although desperate for work, I passed on a job that I'd found on an employment website. It was for a wastewater plant operator. Among the job requirements: "Must be able to swim."
• My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access the popular Ask Jeeves site, and we told her it could answer any question she had. Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom. Think of something to ask it." As I sat with my fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought for a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"
• My friend was flabbergasted. She'd read that in a recent survey, our home state of California was ranked 47 in a list of the nation's smartest states. "Can you believe that?" she fumed. "We're 47 out of 52!"
• While my husband was stationed overseas, our four-year-old daughter decided that she needed a baby brother. "Good idea," I told her. " But don't you think we should wait till your father's home?" She had a better idea. "Why don't we just surprise him?"
• Just before I was deployed to Iraq, I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. "I'm going to be away for a long time," I told him. "I'm going to Iraq." "Why?" he asked. "Don't you know there's a war going on over there?"
• When I worked as a medical intern in a hospital, one of my patients was an elderly man with a thick accent. It took a while before I understood that he had no health insurance. Since he was a World War II vet, I had him transported to a VA hospital, where he'd be eligible for benefits. The next day, my patient was back, along with this note from the VA admitting nurse: "Right war, wrong side."
• While I was shopping in a pharmacy, a couple of teenagers came in. They were dressed in leather, chains, and safety pins. The boy had blue and purple spiked hair and the girl's hair was bright yellow. Suddenly the boy picked up a pair of sunglasses and tried them on. "What do you think?" he asked his girlfriend. "Take them off!" she howled. "They make you look ridiculous."

Hope these made you smile! Have a great day!!!